BOSCOBEL - A few weeks back, one of the region’s few emergency shelters for victims of domestic violence closed its doors. Passages, Inc., as reported here, was too short-staffed to keep the doors open.
By some coincidence, in the same week, the country song “Wait in the Truck” by Hardy reached number one on the Mediabase country charts.
Country music fans will already know that the song is a murder ballad about a man who finds a woman on the side of the road who’s an obvious victim of domestic abuse. He drives to the woman’s house, confronts her abuser, and shoots and kills him, telling the woman to “wait in the truck.”
It’s not the first country song to take up the topic, but it’s a particularly stark and graphic representation of the problem.
Domestic violence can happen anywhere, but rural families—country’s traditional fan base—are especially vulnerable. Rural communities have higher rates of unemployment, poverty, substance abuse, and other risk factors for violence. And there are fewer resources to address these issues.
Isolation is also an issue, according to Jessica Brown, who works for Passages as a Victim Services Advocate. “A lot of times victims don’t have transportation to get out. Or they don’t have the means to get away. In the city, everything is right there,” she said.
Recent years have brought an increase in violence according to Darlene Masters, Executive Director of Family Advocates, Inc., an organization that provides services, including emergency shelter, to survivors of abuse in Grant, Iowa, and Lafayette Counties
“With all of the stressors since Covid, the violence has increased,” she said. “If you are not a victim of domestic violence, you know one, even if they haven’t told you.”
In light of these facts, we convened a local roundtable including Brown and Masters, as well as Passages Executive Director, Shannon Roberts to help us understand “Wait in the Truck,” and how the country song relates to real-life domestic violence. What follows is a transcript of our conversation that has been edited for clarity and length.
Dial: The song begins with the singer coming upon the victim walking by the side of the road, and he can tell what’s happened. What does Hardy get right about that first encounter?
Darlene Masters (DM): One of the things that speaks to me is him seeing domestic violence for what it is and believing the victim. Victims often feel a lot of blame and shame and guilt. They don’t want other people to know. They question, “how did I allow this to happen to me?” Or think they somehow deserved it.
Shannon Roberts (SR): By Hardy not asking the victim a ton of questions and keeping calm, he kept her calm and she most likely felt he believed her without having to tell her whole story.
Dial: What are some other things a man should consider if they were in that position in real life?
Jessica Brown (JB): In the ideal scenario, he would ask the survivor, “What do you want to do?” Because ultimately, it should be about where she wants to go and what her choices are. What is safe for her?
DM: Often victims are reluctant to trust males because of what has happened. I would say the best thing is to say, “Is there someone you trust that I can call?” Or connect her with some resources like Family Advocates or Passages. The national hotline numbers can help because a lot of victims are ashamed to get help in their own communities where someone might know them or their abusers.
Dial: What about calling the police?
DM: Law enforcement involvement is always an option, but it can escalate the abuse. There are often not a lot of great options in court. Domestic assault often gets pled down to a disorderly conduct.
JB: Sometimes all that happens through the court system is a 72-hour hold to let the abuser “cool down.” But often they come out more pissed off than they went in—and retaliate.
Dial: Next in the song, Hardy drives to the house of the abuser. He breaks down the door, and as the abuser reaches for a gun, the singer shoots and kills him first. What would you say about those choices?
DM: Obviously, fighting violence with violence is not productive. Is it the right way to do things? Of course not. But, honestly, sometimes that’s the only way to stop the violence.
JB: Often the victim/survivor doesn’t get justice. Yeah, the abuser may have a piece of paper that says to stay away from her. But he’s still out living his life. She still has that fear in her. Is that him behind me at the grocery store?
SR: Obviously he shouldn’t have taken matters into his own hands. Not only for ethical reasons, but if the abuser was able to get to his gun first, the woman most likely would have been killed that night as well.
Dial: That occurred to me also. He had no guarantee.
DM: He finds her alongside the road because she escaped. That’s when a more serious injury or death is most likely to occur. You often see in the paper about someone who gets a restraining order, and is leaving, and that’s when the homicide happens.
SR: One of the greatest fears of a victim getting help is retaliation. When a victim leaves an abuser, it is the most dangerous time and often when victims are murdered because they attempted to take power and control back.
Dial: In fact, in a domestic violence situation, women are more likely to be the victim of a homicide, right?
DM: Occasionally we see it go the other way, where a woman kills her abuser. But statistically, it’s usually the woman who is killed at the hands of her abuser, and usually by a gun.
SR: According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 80 percent of the time it is the victim who is murdered. This is generally a female with a male abuser, but the rate of LGBTQ victims is definitely on the rise. If a victim murders their abuser, most victims will serve prison time for murder.
Dial: Do you feel the song is helping to raise awareness of the prevalence of domestic violence?
JB: Domestic violence is not talked about enough and the song helps build awareness. This is happening. It’s happening in your neighborhood. It’s happening with your kids. It’s everywhere. And if this country singer is singing about this kind of violence, it can help women victims. It’s like they’re being seen by the wider culture.
SR: Men can play a large role in the reduction of domestic violence by standing up to their male peers who boast about the power and control they have over their partners, or stepping in when they see a male being aggressive whether verbally or physically to their partner.
DM: I love the song. I don’t condone violence in any way, but for me does bring awareness. We don’t need to go and kill the abusers, but let’s hold them accountable. Let’s not say, “That’s their problem, not mine.” It’s our problem as a society and we need to fix it as a group. We need more men like Hardy to be involved in the movement and hold other men accountable. Domestic violence has always been seen as a women’s issue. We teach our young girls how to protect themselves, and that’s good advice. But we need to be holding young men and boys accountable. No means no.